Nothing is right

Nothing is right...
This is the second time in two days that I cried after playing DotA, wth. I dont know what to do...I'm gonna miss the Rag Day on Saturday because of the WCG, I cant go and help the hall in doing rag because of the practice, I played like shit, I fed, I wasted this whole night playing a laggy game which I didn't get to use the hero that I wanted to practise, I spent one whole hour waiting for people to start game when I was supposed to go visit my friend...I havent bid for my freaking module...
Very tired and...hopeless. I'm trapped in the middle...feeling guilty every single second. Maybe I should quit DotA after this competition, it's destroying me. It's supposed to be fun but now it has become the source of stress and I kept getting irritated by certain people. Zzz...I have no strength to stay angry already, not like this is the first day i know him and first time I get those "shuddup" and "wtf" from him and all the other things that I dont want to remember. Aihz...fated...who's the one getting the real bullying?
Nvm, I'm always wrong.
Still...disappointed with myself for saying 'damn u'...zzz...lost control and sorry.
I'm very tired...I wish I have a Phoenix card and can call my friend...I wish I can go home now...I wish I can forget everything.
Sian...wasted another day of my life feeling unhappy. Sometimes it gets hard to convince myself that life is beautiful...especially when i get disappointed with people and with myself. Ah well...tomorrow will be better.